Your mouth is God's brothel.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
