Whod you bang
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
