well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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