Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
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There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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