Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize