omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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