Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
