Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
