Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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