you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
