I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
