are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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