I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
