HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
