Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize