so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
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shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
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I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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