Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
