I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
