he wants to bone in the snuggie
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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