Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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