you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We are all done wearing pants today
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
