i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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