if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
