Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
