I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
