and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
