Betty ford says i'm here all night
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
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