she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
