I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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