I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My vagina just recognized that song.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
