so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
