If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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