Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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