I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
