you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
