I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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