Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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