we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
