LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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