i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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