The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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