do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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