so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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