i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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