He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Watching her eat just hurts me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
