i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
