Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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