...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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