Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
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Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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