what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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