my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
