Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Bring me that man meat
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
