I just saw a hot homeless man
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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