so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
