The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
