i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
