so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
