So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
