Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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