Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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