I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
