Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
