just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
