he wants to bone in the snuggie
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
