just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
