thus making me awesome and them whores
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
