josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
this is an emotional support booty call
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
