it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
