Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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