I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
