i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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