someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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