i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
