dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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