meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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