maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
