It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
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I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
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So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
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