just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
