I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
