We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
